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Pic: Sabella Abidde

Assumptions about Sexual Habits
By Sabella Abidde



There are social and economic costs to having multiple wives. But in spite of these costs, African men, as with a sizeable number of men around the world, are fascinated by and do indeed have multiple sex partners, whether short or long term. Such conquests free some men from certain obligations. For instance, it’s been opinioned that having a mistress or a concubine free men from long term emotional, social, and economic responsibility.

Casual conversations seem to suggest that an increasing number of women are open to polyandry and/or polyamory: the practice of having more than one husband or lover at any given time. Women seem to be saying “what is good for men are also good for women.” But I wonder: with whom have men been playing the field? One understands the role and impact of power, but men have generally done most of what they do because they allow men to be men.

African women, especially the Senegalese, the Ghanaians and Nigerians, seem to have been involved in such practice for a long time. My attention was drawn to the sexual freedom of some market women in Lagos and other African metropolis. It was alleged that they freely have sex partners, with or without the knowledge or consent of their husbands. One can only imagine a 50 year old man with a 30 year old wife who may be his third or fourth wife. What time and energy does he have to meet her sexual needs? She most likely will find a paramour.

But how different are things in the Western world? Within some enclaves in the United States, the assumption is that “White women are easy to talk to, easy to date, easy to have any sort of relationship with.” And that when it comes to sex, they don’t have as “many hang-ups as African women; and so there is no unnecessary premium attached to sex.” In other words, if it is going to happen it is going to happen and it happens a lot whether married or not. Therefore, sexual pretensions and hang-ups are not as common.

On the other hand, it is believed that a good number of African-American women have a ritual about sex. As with some African women, they don’t easily give in to sex. There is drama attached to sex: a wall to climb. An ocean to swim and a mountain to climb. But once all the ceremonies are taken care of, sex becomes them; and they become sex. Whether these assumptions are true or not is not for me to say. I don’t know.

 
 

Comments to date: 1. Page 1 of 1.

Roseline Abidde   Nigeria

4:07pm on Sunday, October 4th, 2009

Did you carryout a research before coming up with these assumptions? Anyway, I do not totally disagree with your assumptions.

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